yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
