but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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