just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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