I just saw a hot homeless man
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so let's talk penis.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Mom said you looked used
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
