She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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