you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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