Whod you bang
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
