You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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