All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
