You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Randomize
