Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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