Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
