he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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