don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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