tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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