Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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