If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
