im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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