Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
