oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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