he was CRYING into my vagina
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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