I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
