i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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