If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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