so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize