he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
