he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
