like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to sanitize my soul.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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