im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
