so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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