Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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