Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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