I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
