you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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