We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
