He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
