woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
