hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
