I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Randomize
