My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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