I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
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In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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