i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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