you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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