Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
