I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
