Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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