Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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