burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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