i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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