do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
