i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
