HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
