Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize