If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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