capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
