Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize