Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
