Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i think i just lost a toe
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
