What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
