and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
