in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
