the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
