Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
