she was so not down for the gang bang
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm getting married
To pizza
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
