is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
