yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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