So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
